Doing Life, Life Lessons

Always Choose Kindness

We live in a world that likes to seek justice and revenge.  Let me get my way first.  It’s my way or the highway.  We live in a world that is seeming to lack kindness and compassion.  I’d like to take a moment to share a story that reminded me to always choose kindness no matter the situation.

I had a miscarriage.

We found out we were pregnant on December 25, 2017.  What a wonderful Christmas gift!  We were so excited to know that we would be parents of another sweet baby and that Conlee would be a big sister. We only told a handful of people.  We went to our first ultrasound full of joy to see our little one on that screen.  I reflected on the sights and sounds of our first child’s first ultrasound and how  we could watch her move and wiggle in the womb.  I knew something wasn’t quite right when I didn’t see this baby wiggle as such. Then the tech said, “Your baby is measuring really small, only 5 weeks.”  I was supposed to be 9 weeks that day.  There was no heartbeat.  I remember sitting in that room when the OB told me that this would likely be a miscarriage, but we will try another ultrasound in two weeks to check for growth.

Those two weeks were one of the darkest times of my life.  I can’t describe the anxiousness and pain I felt knowing I was carrying a child, my child, knowing that I likely wouldn’t carry it to term.  I researched similar cases looking for signs of hope.  It was so hard to fathom.  Our second ultrasound confirmed no growth and that this was not a viable pregnancy.  Our sweet baby just stopped growing.  It was during those two weeks of waiting for an answer that I developed a deeper understanding for the importance of kindness.

When you have a miscarriage, most people don’t know you had a miscarriage.  You see, most miscarriages happen in the first trimester of pregnancy, a time when the majority people don’t even know you are pregnant.  The people I dealt with on a daily basis had no idea of the pain I was carrying.  I had to go on with my day knowing I had my lifeless baby within me.  It made me question that if I had this invisible burden, those around me likely were carrying invisible hurts as well.  The way I treated people could sway their emotions much like mine.  I could deliver gentle words and kindness or harshness and hate.  I’m not really sure how I would have handled harshness being thrown at me during that time.  I decided then that I was going to always choose kindness.

We are so quick to seek revenge and justice when we really never know the burdens someone is carrying.  Most of the time those burdens aren’t even visible.  You have a choice to show compassion or show hatred in all scenarios.  That person that cut you  off in traffic; they could have just buried a parent.  That person that mouthed off to you; they could have just been diagnosed with terminal illness.  That rude waitress; she could have just received an eviction notice and have nowhere for her children to sleep tonight.

On the day I found out my pregnancy would likely terminate in miscarriage, I took a drive by myself and ended up at a Chic-Fil-A.  The drive through clerk must have seen my mascara streaked face and red eyes and knew I needed some kindness passed my way.  She gave me a free sandwich.  I know that sounds so silly, but I will never forget that act of kindness shown to me on one of my darkest days.

If you only take one thing away from the things I share with you, please let it be this; always choose kindness.  The world needs more of it.  Let it begin with you.

(Please know that this is just my story.  We all have sufferings and they are all different as we are unique.  I also know how helpful it is to talk to someone who has experienced similar sufferings.  That being said, I’m here for you 🙂 )

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